Heat Pump failure
forego, the temptations
the pressurized limit
that defines our connections
through mandatory rolls
of paper
typewritten text
unfairly begotten
to a rainy summers day.
Shameful fantasia
It’s rerun
tee-vee three. six pm.
I’ve forgotten your face but I remember
you skin
soft lips, pressed against mine.
A purple swathe of nothingness,
the sheer wrongness over ridden
by my desire in lust.
(via the-beauty-of-words-blog)
I can see how
it might be
a little bit wrong
that I lie to you
and steal your hearts
with my words,
but if nobody
outside this silver screen
would take me for my face,
then what is so wrong,
in selling only my soul?
(via alchemic-meister)
hello to anyone who most likely will Not chance upon this blog,
everything is super muddely and I went a little crazy because I stopped taking my meds but now I am back on them and calm(er)
if I was not as straight as a bendy ruler I would be dead and that is really depressing.
God. strawberry milkshakes and twix bars!
omnomnomnomnom…
installing bioshock 2, I need my fullmetal/doctorwho fix and there’s this amazing girl/woman under the alias of ‘bannanajanama’ or something who is just like rupunzel from tangled!
I may/maynot endeavour to clean up this blog.
it’s all yucky and depressing, sorry about that.
I’m just not okay. :)
it is a last I stand before you
-enraptured, wholly captivated,
in a pang of teenaged lust.
gold flecked eyes sweep
to caress my cheek in flame
a rosen river through my veins,
I am petrifited, and helpless.
for between blue eyes sleeps asunder
a goddess in crimson cream,
come to call my kitten; my love,
beneath the star-swept sky.
oh, that isn’t me.
except for the impossible part.
they need to know if you feel impossible.
otherwise it might get too late.
reblog if this is you
I feel helpless. I feel alone. So many times I am surrounded by overwhelming sadness that has become more than just a “black way of thinking”. My brain is tricking me into thinking that I am alone, a worthless waste of space and no one really cares about me. I’ve tried to end it or thought of suicide many times for as long as I dare to remember. It used to be about love but now all I was to do is escape. I don’t want to get better, I just don’t want to exist. But all the people around me just won’t listen. They keep telling me it’s my choice when they simply don’t understand it’s not. I fully beleive that I want to die more than I want to get better. All I need is to be taken care of and cared for until the clouds begin to fade and I begin to regain my individuality and capability to experience life. But all they see is a stubborn, sick brat. People on facebook and tumblr tell me they love me but in real life I’m nothing to them. Soon I may just fade away and that scares me. Not the dying part, the part where all people did was force-feed me words which my brain would not trust. Dying alone sounds painful and frightening. But I just want it to be over. If only people had listened to me and made me better. I am beyond healing myself. I cannot beat this illness alone.
I know my words no longer
hold her gaze within
but sometimes there is fleeting presence
of a mistress, fickle wound
a shard of smoke, caught in my net
beams herself through stardust and dew
alighting to my window.
Some nights she sits
to softly stroke my brow,
in conflicted affection
for her whimsical, substanced needs.
this goddess in othen bound
a violet seamstress moon
she calls my name on sun-kissed nights
where the impossible dares to breathe…
fat fuck.
it’s still fucking hopeless.
dangerdestructionpowerheartbreaksicknessdyingpainpainSTOP
it’s this huge cycle of brokenness and I’m done.
just… *yawn* …after I take a nap…
noretur-ns39onlylearns asked: is it the adult psychiatric unit or the rangatahi? x
not adult phyc! :O
just Rangatahi.
endless endless endless pain never ending make it stop again
but then it will start again
so no.
just killme to stop it for good.
or gimme a knife.
then I can once more wrap it around my wrists.
watch the blood drip down my arm
hack. slash. rip. tear.
all that beatiful pain and blood.
I like having mutilated skin.
I miss it more than ever
it’s so painful
that it takes away everything else
until the next time.
noretur-ns39onlylearns asked: darling where are you going?? :0
maybe to keneperu hospital. I’ve got a plan for that to be cancelled, but I’m doubtful I can outrun the coppers. They’re full atm though. waiting for beds.
